Innermost PotC Diaries
by alleajandra
Summary: The innermost diaries of PotC characters! R&R, but no flames plz! Not meant to be taken seriously
1. Will's Diary

Disclaimer: I don't own Pirates of the Caribbean, Will Turner, Elizabeth Swan, Jack Sparrow, Orlando Bloom (although I wish I did ::dreamy sigh::), or anything associated with Pirates of the Caribbean.  
  
The Very Secret Diary of the Beloved Will Turner  
  
Entry 1- Pirates from the Black Pearl came today and took Elizabeth. Got Jack Sparrow…ahem "*Captain* Jack Sparrow", and now he's gonna help me get Lizzie dahling back! Woo hoo!!!  
  
Entry 2- Not a good day for ol' Willy boy. Went to Tortoga (spelling? Stupid pirate names…) My beautiful brown eyes have been blinded!!! BLINDED I SAY! Some fat lady waddled up to me and flashed me and someone threw beer in my eyes. Also, I found out Jack was using me. Bloody pirate. Also, Father may not be as much as a good-doer as I thought. Again, bloody pirate's fault. Maybe not associating self with pirates may help…too late now. Note to self- Eventually hit pirate on head with paddle…  
  
Entry 3- We got a crew! And now we're gonna save my pretty bonnie lass! Only downside is incredibly evil storm made me sexily wet. I was chased by sex-hungry pirates until I locked myself in the Galley. Very unfortunate…  
  
Entry 4- Hit pirate on head with paddle. Saved Lizzie. Really tired right now from all my hero work. Will write more later.  
  
Entry 5- Stupid non-dead-non-living pirates came back with Jack (thought I hit him on head with board?!?!?). Found out they needed my blood, but now they have pretty gold that they need my blood to be put on so that the curse that has cursed the pirates can be broken but they need blood that belongs to me. Too many words, too many grammatical errors. It gets to your head.  
  
Entry 6- We were taken captive. I almost drowned, and that totally made me look like an even better hero ::sexy hero pose::. Oy! And I got to show off the sexy I'm-standing-on-the-brink-of-life-o-so-pretty-like pose today when I threatened my life so Lizzie could go free and the crew would be ok. Again, I am the hero ::doe another sexy hero pose::. Bad part is, I didn't get to go free. Plus, Jack and Lizzie were abandoned on the same Island, and he's got some rum on him. Lizzie gets a lil crazy and wild when she gets hard liquor in her. It's actually quite fun at times, but I think that Jack will try to get a bit of "chitty bang bang chitty chitty bang bang". If you know what I'm saying.  
  
Entry 7- We beat the evil pirates! YAY! I think my incredible sexiness and half open shirt helped my side go for it even more! Isn't that wonderful? I also used my blood (an incredible and heroic yet sexy deed), to kill the evil captain! YEAH! Only problem is that Lizzie is now engaged to a really old guy. Ewwww! Will write more later.  
  
Entry 8- Jack was going to be hung today but I saved him. Don't know why, but hell, yet another sexy heroic deed is good. Also, old man let Lizzie come with me! YAY! Jacky boy got rescued by our crew and I got to make out with Elizabeth! She got a lil pissed though when right after my breath- taking kiss I blessed her with I said, "Ok, I know I'm so sexy and heroic, but you must stop chasing after me. Really, darling." She went on and on about how I was obsessed with sexy and heroic deeds and how she thought people were going to slash me and Jack. EW! A thought like that has tarnished my sexy soul! Must get some beauty sleep before this sleep deprivation cuts down on my ability to do heroic deeds! O yes, and I must remain sexy. Always remain sexy.  
  
Review away! O yea, and I LOVE Orlando and Will! I'm not dissing him! I'm just making a point of how everything he does in the movie makes him look incredibly sexy and heroic. NO FLAMES PWEEEZZEEE! 


	2. Jack's Diary

Disclaimer- Don't own PotC, Will, Elizabeth, or Jack. Wish I owned Orlando, maybe someday I will. I don't want to be sued, so please don't.  
  
Jack's Kind Of Secret Diary (that he shows to people in his drunkness heehumm)  
  
Entry 1: Today was very busy. Aye, verrrryyyy boosssiiiieeeee.erm busy. Many days have been boisoie.erm busy. I picked up Bootie's lad looking for his bonnie lass. ::takes gulp of rum:: And my plans are all ruined! Ruined! My bloody ship is ruined.wait.ah. Never mind. Rum's getting to me. Savvy? But that would be a rhetorical question since I'm writing this down. What does rhetorical mean.? Too much rum, mate.  
  
Entry 2: : Today was bloody brilliant. We went to torblublah. Downside is got slapped by too many lasses. Face has lost all feeling. Also, it was an added bonus when Will kept whining about being blinded. Why does everyone keep insulting my pirate capabilities? It's bloody insane. I've been very boosey.erm busy. Why the bloody hell can't I spell boplobsie.erm busy.the first time? Too much rum, mate.  
  
Entry 3: Gots me a crew. Who's the worst pirate you've ever seen now, eh? Ran into a nasty storm, and Will got all wet. When we went after him with a towel he shrieked like a lass and started running away. Locked himself in the bloody galley. Anna Maria slapped me again today. I think she's bloody jealous of my dreads, cause she ain't bloody good enough for them. Too much rum, mate.  
  
Entry 4: We were about to save the lad's lass when the stupid boy hit me on the head with a paddle. That was a problem when I woke up and found the crew of the Black Pearl around me. Thought I was dead for a bloody moment. Also had problems remembering how to say "parlay". Too much rum, mate.  
  
Entry 5: Black Pearl took me to my ship, but then I eventually had to walk the plank (the story from before that is toooo hard to bloody explain) with the bonnie lass because Bootie's boy is daft. Got lots of rum on the island though, so maybe the girl will get really drunk.heh. Too much rum, mate.  
  
Entry 5 continued- Got lass drunk. But lass was too foolish to get past singing the bloody song. Very tired and very drunk. Must sle-  
  
Entry 6- Girl burned up all my rum. The beeyaa, why she messing with my groove? She's always in my face, foo. Ok, had a drunk moment there.Anyways, the bloody navy rescued us. Blah blah blah.I think I'll go and save the daft boy now. Too much rum, mate.  
  
Entry 7- Making a long story short, I won. Yay. Found out the commodore is engaged to the lass. Isn't he a tad old.and wrinkly? She should've slept with me when she had a chance. Too bad, her loss. WAY too much rum, mate.  
  
Entry 8- Almost got hanged, was aided in getting away by Mini-Bootie (what is up with him and his sexy poses?). Told Lizzie she could've had a chance. Told Will I liked his hat even though it slightly disturbed me. Then I fell over the side of this rock thing, drank a bit, and swam to my ship. Too much rum to talk anymore. Will write later. Savvy? 


	3. Elizabarf ahem Elizabeth's Diary

Disclaimer: I don't own Eliaabeth, PotC, etc. Okiday?  
  
The Very Secret Diary of Elizabarf.I mean Elizabeth.heh..  
  
Day 1- Got stolen by pirates who didn't follow the rules but the rules are what kept me alive in the first place but now they've betrayed me and it really sucks because they are all pervy. Having problems breathing after corset, don't mind run-ons. Maybe Will will save me.heh. Will will. That amuses me.  
  
Day 2- Pervy pirates keep wanting me to strip. Also found out they were really the living dead kinda sorta. The up part of the day? Having the pirates use a sheet as a trampoline for me! WHEEE!  
  
Day 3- Bored.nothing to do. Plus the pirates keep trying to get me to strip and eat apples. What the bloody hell is up with the apples? I mean, really.  
  
Day 4- The pervy pirates tried to use my blood, since they thought I was a Turner. But Will saved me, thank god he's useful for something. He's getting on my nerves though because he keeps doing this weird heroic stance.like.it's weird. Plus, he always whispers my name really sexy-like when I'm leaving the room. It's creeping me out, man.  
  
Day 5- The pirates came back with Jack. The one that was really creepy and had me put his stuff abck on him. I swear every man in this entire ocean is horny or something. And told Will the pirates needed his blood when he tried to kiss me. Got outta that one easy.  
  
Day 6- Because of stupid I'm-so-sexy-look-at-me-get-all-wet boy, I got stuck on a deserted island with Jack. And he's trying to get me drunk. Pirate + drunk + girl + deserted island= pervy pirate. Why are all the older men hitting on me? I mean, really.  
  
Day 7- We beat the pirates! The only down side was that in order to save Will, I had to tell the old man that I would marry him. He's really old. Does nobody realize how OLD he is? I knew him when I was, like, LITTLE. And even then he was OLD. And now hes OLDER. And it's really really gross.And Will won't stop with his little heroic moves.  
  
Day 8- Will saved Jack when he was about to be hung. And he told me he loved me. Which was really.strange. But o well. But after all that, I decided to help save Jack and the old man decided that meant the engagement was off. Which was good. But then everyone thought that meant I was going to marry Will. Including Will. But at least he's not really old.But after we kissed (a so-so kiss if I may say so myself) he told me to stop chasing after him! The bloody bastard! I told him how idiotic his sexy-heroic things were and how I hoped he and Jack would be slashed. That brought him down a peg. He burst out crying and ran away. Well I wouldn't blame him. I wouldn't want to be slashed with Jack either.  
  
Review!!! Ok a note to ya'll: I LOVE JACK AND WILL! So no flames! I mean not to insult Will or Jack's sexiness, and yes. So no flames!!!!!!!! 


	4. Commodore's Diary

The Commodore's Ex-Secret Diary  
  
Day 1- I was made a Commodore today.YAY! I didn't let anyone know, but as soon as the service was over, I excused myself to the little boy's room and did a little dance. Well, I thought nobody knew, but Elizabeth's father was there.damn.O well. After that I proposed to Elizabeth, but she took a headfirst dive to the ocean. Just trying to get out of it. But Jack Sparrow saved her.and then he took her hostage.and now shes free.and now Jack is in jail.and I got to counter his witty remarks with wittier remarks. And that makes this all a good day's work.  
  
Day 2- Lizzie is gone. Darn. And that Will boy is chasing after her. Damn. This sucks really really badly.  
  
Day 3- Bored at home. Camera is off of me now since Jack and Will and Liz are gone. It kind of sucks. I can't say any witty remarks. Therefore, nobody wants to pretend to be my friend anymore. Which is really quite sad. Time to down some more anti-depressants.  
  
Day 4- Bored. Blahdiddyblahdiddyblahlblah. I asked some of the men below me in command if they wanted to hear me sing, and since they didn't, I serenaded them with Somewhere I Belong. Then they threw rocks at me. That was sad.  
  
Day 5- Bored and off to kill Will and Pirate. That will be fun.  
  
Day 6- Bored STILL. What is up with this boredom? I mean, I think it's some kind of syndrome. I hope Will won't be doing any of those sexy hero poses when we kill him. Those make me shudder.  
  
Day 7- GOT LIZZIE!!!! She made a ridiculously large fire and it attracted our boats. Plus she's marrying me now. Except she was left on the island with the pirate overnight. And she's really attracted to Will. Which probably means she's a slut. Damn.  
  
Later that day. We beat pirates.er the evil ones.yea..those. They looked all mean but then they died. And now they're all dead. We killed them. And they're gone.forever.Yes. They are now dead.and.I feel.bored.Damn  
  
Day 8- To make a long story short, nobody wanted me to kill Will (damn) and when we WERE going to kill the pirate Will stopped it. And for some reason Liz chose him over me. The dirty slut. They deserve each other. Will with his shuddering sexy poses (which, for some reason, make all the ladies swoon.maybe it doesn't make me shudder because I'm not that way. You know.THAT WAY.) and Elizabeth with her sluttiness.Now I'm sad and lonely and once again BORED OUT OF MY BLOODY MIND. Being a Commodore isn't all it's cracked up to be.  
  
I hope you guys like this! Everyone has loved these poem diary things so far, except kiwikendra.. If you are going to insult me on something, DO NOT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE IN YOUR FLAME (an example from kiwikendra: the grammar is atrocious get yourself a beta reader.NNOW) aAlso, if I ask you nicely not to falme; DON'T FLAME. By the way, do you know what I do with flames? I act like a beeyaa and write rants like these. Which is why I tell you NOT to flame. So please, no more flaming.  
  
SO SHOVE IT KIWIKENDRA 'CAUSE EVERYONE ELSE LIKED IT!!! ^.^ and thanks to all the rest of ya that wrote me pretty nice things like "I laughed my ass off". You are appreciated and loved! 


	5. AnaMaria's ExSecret Diary

AnaMaria's Secret Diary  
  
(A/N: Since Jack and Will's diaries say that they picked up the crew on the third day, AnaMaria's diary will start from the 3rd day.)  
  
Day 1- Left from Tortuga with Jack Sparrow and crew. They think it's very funny to pull down my blowy pants. It is not.especially when I'm wearing underwear with duckies on it.dammit.  
  
Later that day.- Put spikes on pants. Very effective for keeping prodding pirates away. Heh. I was really bored, so I seduced Jack and then slapped him. Very entertaining, especially since he's so drunk that he thinks he did something to me that he forgot. Let the good times roll. Anyways, that kid that Jack brought along that's looking for his girlfriend is really annoying. Is he mentioning his girlfriend so much to cover up the fact that he's checking Cotton's parrot out? Or am I getting really sea-sick?  
  
Day 2- Got into a storm.made Will act like a wet cat. Very entertaining. Mr. Gibbs tried to poke my ass today, put got cut by the spikes. Heh. He deserves it, the filthy pirate. But wait, I'm a pirate too. So if I call pirates filthy, I'm dissing myself.but.no.it makes no sense.must ponder this further.  
  
Day 3- Was pondering so much that I didn't notice that Will and Jack left. By the time I was concluded my thought, Will and his girlfriend were back on board, Jack was gone, and I was captain. Funny how things always work for the best.  
  
Day 4- Being the captain is fun. I get to spin the pretty circle thing. No wonder Jack is always so tipsy.driving makes me dizzy.WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.  
  
Day 5- Stupid crew took my diary and read it out loud.Will's stupid girlfriend was laughing the hardest. Must have evil plan to slaughter her.I was sneaking up frm behind her with a knife when the pirates boarded my ship. Dammit. Now I'm stuck in a jail cell of The Black Pearl. But at least that nitty girl had to walk the plank.I don't have to do the dirty work now. Heh.  
  
Day 6- We got free and killed all the pirates! Yay! Now I can be the captain of the Interceptor.which is big and pretty and stolen! Tee-hee-hee. Found out the nit didn't die...but she's engaged to a really old guy.so that's just as bad.  
  
Day 7- Jack, Will, and Elizabeth got off.And then for some reason I was drawn to this port like a moth is attracted to flame. I even made the buzzy noise...and flapped my arms.but uh.I mean...SHUT UP.::paranoid look:: But then I looked into the ocean and saw Jack! Hah.what coincidence! So, I picked him up, for the hell of it. I mean, why not? He got me a better boat- I mean ship-I mean.dammit never mind.  
  
HOPE YOU ALL LIKED IT!!!!! A lot of people wanted an AnaMaria fic, so I made one! Yay! 


	6. Cotton's Parrot's Secret Diary

The Secret Diary of Cotton's Parrot  
  
Day 1: Left stupid pirate island. Stupid pirate asked me stupid questions. I AM NOT MERELY A PARROT! I have plans to take over this ship.evil plans.yes.  
  
Day 2: There was a stupid storm and my feathers got messed up. Pfft. I think I will put my evil action into plan soon since that kid is going as insane as I am.really. I just haven't unleased my great *power*. Dammit. I'm starting to sound like that stupid pirate that says *captain*.  
  
Day 3: Stupid evil plans didn't work out when I accidentally was pummeled by the kid when he was running away from the people with the towels.now I'm in extreme pain.I wonder if Anamaria realizes the stupid pirate and the kid are gone. That gives me an idea.  
  
Later that day.: Well, at least I tried. I was about to scratch Anamaria's eyes out and then steer the ship to the nearest bird estuary, but she moved her head when she realized the stupid pirate and the kid were gone.damn.  
  
Day 4: Am stuck saying stupid things or else Cotton will not feed me. The new stupid captain is getting really tipsy looking. And the stupid crew is not doing anything. I should probably put my new evil plan into action. Yet, somehow it does not interest me. Is it just me, or am I acting a little schizophrenic? I think it's just me.which would be the case anyway since if I was schizophrenic then it would be me. And it would be me talking to me. But I don't know if I am.stupidness.  
  
Day 5: Was bored so I decided to seduce the stupid hot chick. Then realized that I was a parrot.and then I realized we were being ambushed. And the next thing I realized that I was in a jail cell with some stupid smelly people. Who the HELL puts a parrot in a jail cell?  
  
Day 6: We got free 'cause the hot chick let us out. Am noticing now that her mouth moves funny when she talks.I caught myself talking to myself again today.but then I realized that everyone thought I was saying something else. Can't quite remember what, but I'm quite sure it was stupid. Anyways, I got to see lots of stupid people fight with stupid swords and get killed. YAY!  
  
Day 7: When we finally got rid of the stupid pirate, the kid, and the hot chick I decided that it was time for me to ACTUALLY take over the ship. But then Anamaria decided to go to Port Royal.stupid. So then I decided to crap on someone instead.at least I ruined something. Unfortunately that meant the stupid pirate got to come back on the ship with us. How inconsiderate.I betcha you thought I was gonna say stupid..huh? WELL I HAVE A BETTER STUPID VOCABULARY THEN THAT.dammit I said stupid again.ok, will shut up now.*stupid* 


End file.
